Ayn Rand hates you, and she's not shy about it. (January books in review)

Scene: It's summer, 2002. A man stands in line at the local library, between a mother and child ahead, and an older couple behind.  He holds a few books, waiting to check out.

Old Man: What've you got there?

Me: Huh?  Oh, uh, some books on Islam...

Old Man: (confused) What?!!??!

Old Lady: What's the matter?

Old Man: He's trying to read about the arabs! (pronounces it eye-rabs)



At this point, the mother and child are staring.

Old Lady: Why are you taking those arab books?

Me: Uh....well, just trying to learn about Islam....you know, for...

Old Man: (angrily confused) You know they hate America!

At this point, the librarians are staring.

Me: I'm just trying to find out about the religion....you know, there's a lot we don't know...

At this point, the Old Man is ready to scream

Old Lady: Is this for a bible study group?

Me: (swallowing pride)............Yes.  Yes it is.

Old Lady: see, it's okay honey.  It's a church thing.

Old Man: You tell them that we'll beat those devil-worshippers.

Me:..........Okay.

Normally I'm not an audiobook fan: I tend to retain books better visually , and my Mp3 player is more used for musical distraction than learning tool. But, in the interest and mercy of a self-improvement kick, I am now a dues-paying member of a gym. If you're going to shell out a couple score-per-month to be stared at by muscular d-bags and ignored by aerobizied women, why not add a few dollars to get an Audible subscription and at least pretend you're in your own little world. The first book I downloaded was Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, which I have wanted to read for a few months but have not bought because, Eighteen bucks for a nook-book?  Apparently Barnes and Noble's current business model involves gouging Tea-Partyers.

/Joe pumps fist, buys B&N stock

I will confess that I, being a pretty devout touchy-feely liberal,  honestly expected to hate this book. Shrugged is the go-to tome for small-government, supersized-individualism libertarians, and in many cases compares most social programs as charitable masturbation; it makes you feel good, but ultimately accomplishes nothing.  So why read it, you might ask?  As polarized as society is today, I try to force myself to be willing to see where the other side is coming from.  Too often we (and I'm including myself) forgo understanding and empathy and move directly to Us vs. Them.  Right and Left becomes Right and Wrong becomes Good and Evil. Usually I can fall in with the masses, but occasionally, the wild hair decides that I need to know what the other side is thinking, where they're coming from, and why they keep throwing rocks at my truck because, hey, Ow.  So, for some reason, after watching so many Tea Party videos on Fox News....okay, on The Daily Show as Jon makes fun of Fox News, the same signs kept popping up, showing "I am John Galt" or We are John Galt", or even occasionally, "Who is John Galt?".

I will also confess that, as of this moment, I am slightly more than halfway through the audio-book, though in my defense, 63 hours long people! But, in those 30+ hours I've been subjected too, I feel I can make a judgement based on incomplete information, and up to this point, while I am confirming my initial pessimistic hunch, turns out it's not quite that simple.  The storyline is a hook: a world in which the truly virtuous people, who create and run the technological and industrial marvels, are being attacked by the "Looters" of the world, who feel that society must look out for the little guy, even at the expense of the virtuous. It is a manifesto against communism and/or socialism, a referendum towards civilizations advancement through business and profits, extolling the shining examples of American Exceptionalism.  As the Looters try to even the playing field, and the government takes over all business companies and concerns, the virtuous people begin to disappear, presumably* recruited by John Galt in an effort to show the unqualified what a world without the truly brilliant and productive will actually look like.  I wanted to hate this book, but I got invested in the story and want to see how it ends, and yet...I HATE this book.  There is a reason for this.

* = I say presumably because, halfway through the book, Galt is much the shadowy figure; talked about often, as yet unseen.  You might think that this would ruin the character, I refer you to Orson Welle"s argument on why Harry Lime in The Third Man was the perfect Star Turn- Don't appear for the first 2/3rds of the story, but have everybody ask where you are.  When you finally do show up, the anticipation is such that anything you do or say is gold.

Ayn Rand is crazy.  Angry, horny, and crazy.  That's the only way to describe the writing style that pervades Atlas, and it's that style that, despite the plot and themes that might entice, turn the book into a literary torture device.  Now, to say Rand is angry is like saying the human body is mostly water; anger is the building block of her writing, the bonding agent that pulls in all the other emotions.  The background noise should be air seething through clenched teeth, especially during the long (looonnnggg) rants that pop up like mile markers.  Seeing as I'm listening to an audiobook, I can't tell you how many pages most of these monologues last....but I've counted at least 3 that have stretched over a half-hour. (Again, halfway through)  Even the love story between two main characters is more ferocious than passionate. Rand leans away from love and more towards a raging, frustrated lust, which is not limited to relationships, but is truly the book.  One imagines that Ayn actually imagined a utopian world for Atlas Shrugged, and spends the rest of the book foaming at the mouth at what her characters have done to her vision and fulminating on what should have been.

For now..I'll leave you with a quote I found online-- There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.


For a quick blurb on the rest of January's books (or at least the ones that count)...




Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman- Nice enough book.  I love Neil Gaiman, so I'll put it this way.  When an "F" Student brings home a B- paper, you praise him profusely.  When an "A" Student brings home a B- paper, you wonder what the hell went wrong.  Gaiman's an A student.  Anansi Boys, a quasi-sequel to American Gods (a book I loved) is a B-


Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem- another book that did not live up to the author's previous book, although to be fair, I've only read one other book of Lethem, so I can't be totally critical.  Brooklyn was a smart twist on the noir detective story.  


Persepolis by Marajane Satrapi- A graphic novel look at the Iranian Revolution of 79, through the eyes of a little girl.  Wonderfully drawn, and with the viewpoint of a child in tumultuous times, if I had a leader in the clubhouse so far, this would be it.  If, Joe. If.


The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized Biography by John Ortved- If you like the Simpsons, it's an interesting book.  Suffers from not getting interviews with a lot of instrumental people from the show.  But the Conan O'Brian stories were funny, and hearing about the fights between producers, writers and Matt Groening was  worthwhile, even if secondhanded at times.

Grunts by Mary Gentle- Allen gave this to me to read.  Fantasy book about a group of orcs who find some modern weaponry, and the havoc they cause.  This book never took itself seriously, and continually went more bizarre and over the top, much to it's credit, at least until the end when I sort of gave up keeping track of what was going on.  Still, not bad.


Metamorphosis and Other Stories by Frank Kafka - It's a bad sign when the introduction to the book, written by a Kafka scholar, begins, "Frank Kafka's stories just don't make sense."  Warning shot fired.  It was worth reading  just for Metamorphosis, but most of the other stories had me smacking my nook and yelling. There's been a lot of that lately.