Sunday, October 2, 2011

Where's Kit?

In my previous post, I had mentioned that the old Kit Carson book I had downloaded, Kit Carson, the prince of the Gold Hunters, was badly written.  I have gotten in further, and it has not gotten any better.  Also, for a book involving Kit Carson, we are starting to hit a Jason In Manhattan* moment, as I'm halfway through, and no Kit.

Anyways, I figured I'd give a taste of what reading the book is like.  Here is an early moment where one of the main characters has an epiphany of what to do with his life:


There was silence, perfect silence, for a few moments.  The noble-minded fellow seemed busied in deepest thought; a sudden and bright light came into his thoughtful eye- a warm flush reddened his pale cheek- his whole countenance became, all at once, strict with life; and from his eager, parted lips, came, breathlessly, a single word- one single word that, within the space of three brief months, has gained a power to sway, alike the soul of Ambition and Avarice-to summon it votaries from home and loved ones, near and far, across the untrodden main thousands and thousands of miles away; to re-arouse the drooping hope, and afresh inspire the dying energy; to bewilder even the constitutionally cool and staid with it magic sound, while exciting almost to madness, the less calm and calculation enthusiast.  That one word, reader, you have heard it before; it was- for who is he has heard it not?---- California!!!!!!!!!!


Here's another paragraph, and, man, this guy, this writer, he loves, truly, to use commas.

 Like a marble statue, petrified with horror, utterly motionless, his eyes closed to shut out the ghastly spectacle, his arm, with its firmly-clutched weapon, stiffened by the same feeling, in its outstretched attitude, sat the student on his horse! And while such was the frightful scene, a strange and thrilling circumstance, deepened the dark tableau.

 Why didn't he write another book?!?!?!!  I don't get it.

*= My friend Tom, who LOVES shitty slasher movies, made me watch Friday the 13th 8: Jason takes Manhattan.  Not only was the movie fucking terrible, 90% of the movie takes place in a boat, on a river, going to New York.  So I spent 75 minutes of a 90 minute movie continually asking "When is he going to get to New York?  THE TITLE OF THE FUCKING MOVIE IS JASON TAKES MANHATTAN AND HOW IS HE GOING TO TAKE MANHATTAN IF HE'S NEVER IN MANHATTAN WHY DO YOU FORCE ME TO SIT THROUGH THESE FUCKING TERRIBLE MOVIES????"

BTW, when he got to New York?  not worth it.

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