Bad Decision

"It is hard to appreciate good books if you don't read something crappy every once in awhile." -- JEN

That about says it.  I read Life is Perfect When You're a Liar, by Kelly Oxford, but I need to give context... in short, I blame George R.R. Martin.

In this, our Year of The Big Book, I have been reading some great and heavy stuff.  David Foster Wallace, Alexandre Dumas and George R.R. Martin have had me in a 3-on-1, steel-cage match for the better part of the last two months.  Those guys are heavy hitters and it has seemed a bit much... and I started to feel like Mick Foley taking bumps.

I finished A Dance With Dragons, by George R.R. Martin in what I can only describe as my divide-and-conquer strategy.  I isolated Martin in the corner while DFW and Dumas were distracted only to eliminate Martin with a steel chair and tighten the odds to 2-on-1.   Bloodied, I looked for a reprieve, especially after the patented Martin end-of-book gut slam (and he did it again).

When I knock out a big book, I like to take a break with something light.  Call it a reward for perseverance.  I usually choose a sports book or a comedy book.  I follow Kelly Oxford on Twitter because she is funny and has been billed as a Twitter phenom.  She made me laugh enough that I decided to give her book a shot.  Impulse purchase, and I wish I had just let it be.



Last week I took Jacob to his swim lesson and debated... do I read DFW? Jump back into Dumas?  Or, do I go light.  With the echo of the pool hall and the shouts and crowds, I decided to just go mindless, so I started Oxford.   If you watch the clip above, that really says it all.

You guys... I did not like this book.  I really did not like this book.  I am not the target audience, but, really, it's more than that.  Rather than a "comedy" book, it was a memoir or collection of essays that served as a memoir.  Either way, its funniest moments were good, but it was really like Jason X when Voorhees beats that tree with a sleeping bag full of coed... only funny because you had to suffer to get to it.  Here it is:



The longest chapter felt like filler and, sure enough, in an interview she did, Oxford admitted as much.  She said something to the effect of "I needed material for my book so I wrote about that."  I swear she said this in an interview about her book.  I was stuck in the middle of that chapter and looking for info for a post about the pain of it when I found that interview.  I felt like a sucker just then.  The chapter?  About how she had to pee when Copperfield called her on stage.

Stories should not include every detail for the sake of chronology.  Texts with friends are funny and entertaining... to us and our friends... but not to anyone reading a book.  Heck, I think the content is hilarious every time I text with friends, but I am reasonably certain 98% of people would be bored by it.  Everyone is snarky and brilliant with their friends.  This does not mean you should write a memoir about it.

Before you say it, I will say it... I bought the thing.  I should have investigated.  I thought it would be comedy and I didn't investigate it.  I tried before researching and it bit me.  My fault.  This is why I give it 2 stars.  One is the least you can give, and I allow one to her for my folly.  Really, what the hell was I thinking?

Dave said it best the other night when I was complaining to him about this book (I paraphrase): "You know, you read some great stuff... and then, sometimes, you just read crap."

Guilty.  I sometimes read crap.

Topics that annoyed me:

- There was an excruciatingly long chapter about meeting David Copperfield in Vegas (the one she admitted was filler).  It detailed every mundane conversation from airport arrival to departure.  This chapter also involved the very-attractive Oxford complaining about her body.  Attractive people do not win by doing that.

-  Drunken/drug fueled stupid things she did as a teenager.  I am apparently one of a handful of people who did not spend youth drunk or high and I do not think anyone's stories are unique except in the details.  The formula is always the same and it has become cliche.  "Oh, you drank and smoked pot and that led to other bad decisions?  No shit? Also, close your mouth when you breathe."

-  Disneyland with kids.  No further explanation required.  The mental image that sentence gave you, probably said it all.  It also felt like the editor said, "Really, you need to find a way to  fill another chapter and you might not want to be picky about what you include. Talk about waiting in line and kids screaming."

-  A chapter about being six years old with dialogue from her adult voice.  I get that such a thing can work, but not when it's really just a story about how no one wanted to be in her Star Wars play and ... well, that's about it.

I tried to make this an angrier post, but, really, I'm just ashamed I read it and looking to put the whole thing behind me.  And, even though I really hated reading this book, I do like her Tweets and don't want to be too mean.

I'm just glad it's over.